Distance Dragon

Distance Dragon

A consequence of expanding your Known Universe using the Internet is that it is just as easy to have a prospective Hero or Heroine 2,000 miles away as two miles away – although it will seem to you that NONE of the good ones are only two miles away.  Which is why this is also known as the Never-Close-to-You Dragon. 

If you live in a big enough city, you might be able to find someone with whom all Ten Filters match perfectly, helping you completely avoid this dragon.  Unfortunately, for most of us, our needs are so special and rarified that finding that most special and rarified Hero or Heroine will require both an expanded Known Universe and an expanded geographical boundary.

If you end up in a long-distance relationship, you will end up with certain kinds of complications: 

Pre-meeting

You already know from the discussions on some of the other dragons, what risks lie in delaying a real-life meeting with someone you are attracted to.  The problem is that the Distance Dragon just makes it worse because it probably delays that first meeting – with this dragon sometimes winning by default when that first meeting never occurs. 

Dating

If you make it to here, that means that, hopefully, you very successfully and easily slayed the Inert Chemistry and the Projection Dragons when you met.  But a different offspring is now lying in wait – one that specializes in erecting all kinds of stumbling blocks to keep both you and your new-found Hero or Heroine prospect from making it to a shared path of Happily Here & Now:  

• The Honeymoon Syndrome – This often occurs because you both want to savor your very short times together.  Depending on the distance involved, you may not be able to see each other very often.  So during all those all-too-brief times together, it is likely that you both will be lost in a blur from all your chemistry, passion and intimacy –  all the things that might be moving you both from Stage Nine Infatuation to Stage One Love.  If so, then the last thing you will want interfering is even a semblance of real-life and real issues.  The upshot is that no matter how many wonderful times you share like this, it won’t give either of you a clue as to what DIDO would be like together.  If there ARE problems, even during this Honeymoon time, it is pretty likely that the tribulations of DIDO would be significantly worse – a pretty good sign that long-term will be difficult to achieve. 

• The costs – Long-distance means, well, long-distance – as in telephone bills of $200 each per month, along with the costs of frequent air fares, or other travel expenses.  Related to this is the issue of who delivers, hot and fresh?  How often?  Do you alternate?  Or, do kids, jobs, family, or a dozen other reasons skew the balance, requiring one of the pair to do most of the travel?  Do you share the cost or is it split another way?  If one pays the most, travels the most, is the other one feeling guilty because of it?  

• Sharing the separation time – There are ways to share time with a long-distance lover on those lonely nights when you can’t be in one another’s arms.  Listening to the same music at the same time, playing games over the Internet like backgammon, etc.  Using the web cams that are highly recommended in one of the other sections so you can actually SEE one another live and real-time.  As lame as all of this may sound, it can help overcome the longing you have to be with them, to at least share some of your lives together, even if you are hundreds or even thousands of miles apart. 

• Jealousy and trust – This can be a HUGE dragon even when you are in the same town.  But when you are separated by many miles, it is even worse.  They call and you aren’t there.  You call and they aren’t there.  Suspicion can run rampant and have nothing to do with reality.  But you probably already know all about this dragon – probably from both sides of the feeling.  

The Test Drive

Hopefully, you make it here.  All the dating has been wonderful and you successfully defeated every one of the dragons that tried to keep you from a shared path of Happily Here & Now.  All Ten Filters continue to be totally validated, you have even shared some reality and that part was amazing and incredible. 

You are both now in Stage One Love and see no problems on the horizon that will keep the two of you from making it all the way to Happily Ever After.

We interrupt this trip to Ever After for a sobriety test.  The problem is:  What do you do next, in your relationship? 

Probably, leaving after each visit seems to get harder each time – even if you know you will be seeing one another again in a week or two or three.  And, all the times alone seem to last forever and the times together seem to evaporate during one deep breath.  Neither one of you wants to continue living like this – with all those miles between you.

So, what do you do? 

Pack up and move in with one another, with one of you quitting your job and maybe taking kids out of school, pay all the costs involved to transport all your worldly possessions to where the other one is?

What happens if you do all of this only to find out that you really can’t stand to live together for any one of 10,000 reasons? 

Here are a few issues that you might want to consider as a Test Drive first – before you fully commit yourself to an err lease / purchase:

Excerpt from Efficient Love – The Good-Man Methodology. Copyright © 2003-2012 Robert Goodman.
All rights reserved. Used by expressed, written permission of author