The Process


The Process

Don’t Kill The Messenger!

Sometimes, I get complaints from readers that this whole process is too damn complicated.

Bear in mind that the Process IS the Process…and has little to do with any thing I want or say or do…or how much we both may wish it were different. So, it is pointless asking me to change it!

The Short Version

In case you’ve forgotten, here are the ways life and nature make the Process work:

  • You decide, again, for the umpteenth time that you would prefer not to live your life alone.

  • You decide you have no choice…that you have got to live your life with someone you love deeply and totally…and, oh by the way, you have a strong preference that the other person feels the same about you.

  • Based on all your past lovers, and all the problems and issues that you had with THEM, you remind yourself  that you already know that there are certain general traits, characteristics, values, goals, sexual preferences, day in day out living needs, etc. that you want to have in common with your future lover.

  • You meander around – eventually stumbling across someone who seems to spark one way or mutual chemistry.  It may or may not be much of a spark…but at least there is the hope of fire.

  • You let the attraction and chemistry run rampant, savoring every drop of this rare elixir of love, lust and attraction – and usually ignore all those traits, characteristics, values, needs, goals, etc. that you had thought were important.

  • Eventually, the flow of realities of day in day out life dilutes the elixir and its effects.

  • Slowly, or suddenly, many if not all those traits, characteristics, values, needs, goals, etc. you originally thought important become important again…with you eventually noticing that some of the more critical ones are missing with your current lover.

  • The missing ingredients somehow changes the flavor of the elixir which now starts to turn bitter, for one or both of you.

  • Eventually, the bitter elixir turns poison, killing the relationship.

  • The relationship ends with all the ensuing heartache and pain for one or both.

  • In your now lonely state, you add up the time and realize that all those months or years with the last one wasted way too much of your time and life by taking you down yet another dead-end trail that led nowhere.

  •  You lock out the rest of the world for a few more weeks, months or years until you get over this most recent disappointment.

  • You decide to hell with the whole idea of Happily Ever After.

  • You lock out the rest of the world for a few more weeks, months or years until you get over this most recent disappointment.

  • You also decide, again, to become a monk or nun and try to remember the mantra from the last time.

  • You decide you are not THAT religious.

  • Eventually, you always seem to return to the first step above and start the whole Process over again with the hope that, this time, you will find that one true love, that Soulmate, who will travel the path of Happily Here & Now with you, all the way to Happily Ever After.

That’s it.  The Process is what we all go through, usually way too many times.  I didn’t create it.  I don’t like it any more than anyone else.  It is the Process that life and nature has given us. 

But until each of us settles for an unfulfilling relationship or gives up…or we find that path of Happily Here & Now with the right person, we will probably waste a huge part of our adult lives spending too much of our time, too much of our precious energies pursuing this Process.

Efficient Love

If we are stuck with the Process no matter what we do, it seems to me that the best course of action is to at least improve on nature’s efficiency.   That is what Efficient Love, and The Good-Man Methodology, are all about.  The book will tell you how to get a LOT better at improving on nature’s Process and probably save you years of wasted time going down more dead-end paths.

Excerpt from Efficient Love – The Good-Man Methodology. Copyright © 2003-2007 Robert Goodman.
All rights reserved. Used by expressed, written permission of author