Complaint Department

History Of The Complaint Department

As readers know, my two best selling books, Efficient Love and Don’t Waste Another Sunset, are based on my dozen years of experiences with my old web site “Novelist Seeks Heroine” and its two million plus visitors – and the more than 10,000 women who applied to be my personal Heroine.

Those dozen years were the proving grounds for the Good-Man Method for Efficient Love. During that time, I received thousands of positive, thankful emails from readers.  I also received my share of flame mail about my pages and my approach. 

To handle these flame emails, I started my Complaint Department Page so that I just had to answer each complaint once.

Several current readers of my books who have secret access to those old, now private pages of Novelist Seeks Heroine, have requested that I repeat the Complaint Department Page here on the Efficient Love site – partly because they say they found it fun – and partly to have it as a resource for them to use when they receive their own complaints during their own personal Quest for their Hero or Heroine using the Efficient Love Method.

In response to those requests, here are the contents of that very old, basically unchanged page.

The (Old) Complaint Department

Nota Bene:  All my other Web Pages are intended to be thought-provoking.   This page is dedicated to those who just find them provoking.

It’s gratifying to have received such an overwhelming positive response from virtually all of the over two million folks who have visited my Domain web pages in the past and written or IMed me– especially when so many have told me how they have used my same methods to search and, sometimes, find their own Soulmates.

“Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!  Extraordinary literacy required in this Domain!”
— B9 Robot

However, you can’t get all these responses without also receiving flame mail, and other complaints, about my various web pages (flames, etc. average less than 1% of all comments received — but who’s counting?). These flames seem to come mostly from those who don’t relate. From those who don’t take time to understand. From those who simply disagree. Some of the flames are reasoned and logical but, more often, they are emotional, uninformed diatribe.

No Sale

Besides my books and some sponsor ads – all of which generate donations for domestic violence centers – there is nothing for sale here.  Just some thoughts and writings that I hope my readers find thought-provoking…and not just provoking.  The only personal gain I seek is that my own Heroine might, just maybe, find her way here – and that my support for domestic violence prevention programs and centers can be expanded.

I took the time to learn web pages as both an intellectually challenging hobby and to also better relate to some of my management consulting clients who are in the business.  It also gave me a forum for three of my other hobbies:  my writings, my photography (virtually every picture throughout this whole Domain was taken by me) and Photoshop (love playing with that software).

The genuinely gratifying and completed unexpected result was that my approach and methods struck a chord with many others — with thousands of readers taking time to tell me how their own lives and their own Quest for their own Hero or Heroine have greatly benefited from using my methods.  Not bad — from just combining a couple of my hobbies. 

Those thousands of thank-you emails I’ve received are much more than sufficient validation that what I do here in this Domain of mine is worthwhile to many and life-changing for some.

For Those Who Are Provoked Instead of Thought-Provoked

The purpose of the rest of this particular page is to address the more common flames out of the 1% — so I don’t have to try and answer even this small percentage, individually.

“From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down. I was convulsed with laughter.
Some day I intend reading it.” — Groucho Marx

See if you can find your complaint here:

“Your whole approach is ridiculous / desperate / demeaning / idiotic / egocentric / wellyougettheidea.”

If you don’t like my approach, then use your own method. Problem solved.

These pages are NOT intended to be interesting / thought-provoking / even understandable by everyone who finds their way here. If you don’t like what you see, let your fingers do the walking — on your mouse button.

I usually get this genre complaint from those unconfused by facts who haven’t really taken time to do more than emotionally react to the unfamiliar. Generally, in chatting with them, I find out that they haven’t taken the time to read or understand the Methodology involved before they condemned it.

I think we ALL already agree that bars, friends of friends and family, personal ads and pick ups in the produce department generally don’t work well — even short-term. And, the likelihood is remote that ones met like that will be the ones to give you Happily Ever After — meeting all those needs, wants and wishes you have had for so long.

If you have figured out a better, more time-efficient, way to meet quality prospective Soulmates — ones who truly meet your needs, wants and wishes — please email me the details and methodology (no sweeping generalities please) so I can share it with others here. So far, in asking several who have complained, not one has come up with a better method — or one that they, themselves, even like better — other than those who have just given up and have chosen to just pull the covers over their heads and ignore any need for them to search for any Happily Ever After for themselves. As I see it, that is the worst of all solutions.

Again, do whatever it takes to proactively find what you yourself want and need. If my approach isn’t one that works for you, I wish you luck finding one that does.

“Your approach is so unromantic / I can’t believe you use lists / applicants? / It isn’t a job application!”

Firstly, I personally don’t want to be romantic with every woman I meet — in real-life or on the Internet. There really are, “So many women, so little time.” I want to save myself…my time…..and my romance…. for someone who looks like a mutually good match. The only way I can determine that is if there is a match between her AND my Profound, Profane and DIDO lists.

And don’t complain about the idea of lists……everyone has their checklists and filters — even if many only have them floating someplace between their ears. If you don’t like my metaphor of applicant, use your own. I find that it conveys, conceptually and without ambiguity, what most of us are all looking for.

If you are willing to take the time to read some of my writings, like Elle or Diane or Rachel, I think you might find that I am the most romantic man you have never met.

“You are so narrow minded / regimented / inflexible in what you want.”

We all have our own lists of what we want. I’m fortunate to have learned what is really important to me and the traits and characteristics that are compatible with my own personality.

“You want a clone / android / someone perfect / no real woman exists who matches what you want.”

The person described in my lists is not perfect. She will, in her own unique ways, probably be almost as imperfect as I am. But she will be perfect for me — and I will be perfect for her — in all the traits and characteristics that she and I personally find important. She will have her own distinct personality with at least as many quirks as I have — mostly based on her own history.

And, we won’t score 100% perfect on each other’s lists either — but all the important stuff will be there. For both of us. Including overwhelming chemistry.

“You must think you are hot stuff / God’s gift to women / the world’s greatest lover!”

I already know that I’m not the world’s greatest lover.

The last time I checked the International Male Rankings (IMR), I had moved up to fourth place. Georges, the gay hairdresser in Milan, WAS fourth but he was disqualified for practicing unsafe sex…

Athar, the fellow in India who can tie his penis in a knot, is still ranked Number One.

“How can you want the things you want in a woman / don’t you realize what you may be missing by those who don’t meet your lists?”

I often get this complaint — mostly from women who don’t happen to match the traits and characteristics that are on my Lists.

See above regarding the Methodology and Lists. Just like some women will only consider men who have lots of money or are at least six feet tall or have all their hair and teeth, I have my own attributes that I personally like.

I, for one, will not even consider someone who smokes. For me, it is a 100% non-negotiable issue (besides the fact that I watched my own mother’s addiction to cigarettes kill her with lung cancer at the age of 63, I frankly find it a disgusting habit in every way).

“Oh, something like THAT is different,” she graciously acquiesced.
“No, it is NOT,” he offered as guidance, as if she was receptive enough to listen.

I’ve learned that ALL the other issues on my lists, to varying degrees as shown by their weighting, are important to me. I don’t want to settle for less…even if YOU may not understand WHY each and every item IS important to me.

There are no wrong answers for any of us — just different answers. And, we are all entitled to want and like whatever we want to want and like. Whether it makes ANY sense to anyone else — or not.

How many are excluded by your own lists and filters that you, yourself, use in your own Soulmate search? Which items, for YOU on YOUR lists, are as non-negotiable as smoking is on mine?

I don’t want YOU to have to settle for anything less than what YOU want…hopefully, you will want the same thing for me…even if you don’t understand my reasons….and even if it means WE are not a match.

“With all your lists, you will never find any REAL woman who matches all of THAT!”

Maybe. Especially considering all that I want in a Heroine. But I am hoping that it is more of a question of expanding my Known Universe. 

You do need to understand the arithmetic. For example, by my making that ONE issue of no smokers non-negotiable, I IMMEDIATELY eliminate 23% of American women — a statistically HUGE number of women. HUGE. With just one filter, I knock out of contention nearly a QUARTER of the women who may be, otherwise, wonderful and a perfect match for me in every other way.

If I ALSO required that my Heroine be qualified to be a member of Mensa, which by definition is only the top 2% of the population in intelligence, and assuming smoking and intelligence are totally independent variables (which amazingly seems true), then we are down to:

Ideal Heroine Possibilities = 77% X 2% = 1.54%
JUST with those two attributes!

With only these two items, I have less than two percent of American women to chose from. (Actually, I only require an IQ of 120 or more).  If you add the obvious three filters of age, marital status and geography, this number gets VERY low VERY quickly.

Now on top of all of THOSE, if I, very hypothetically, add that I also want only a NATURAL blonde AND also add the requirement of NATURAL breasts…well, that arithmetic is easy but left as an exercise for the reader (and yes, I admit to strong very personal preferences about both of these attributes, but will keep those two answers a secret for now – and those answers might surprise you – but then again, they might not!).

With around 50 items on my combined Lists One and Two, and the 10,000 things on List Three, well, I DO need a VERY large Known Universe.

How picky are YOU?

“This whole thing is a joke / a put on / you aren’t serious / you are only doing this for biz reasons or more research for your books.”

My Quest for the Heroine I seek is very genuine — the original of three main goals of all these pages — and one of THE very most important Quests in my life.

Trust me, after a decade of online experiences and interviews with the Teeming Ten Thousands, I have enough material for dozens of books already.

“What is this BS about requiring 4 pictures of me as price of admission to your dumb web site?”

You only need to do this if you are interested in becoming my Heroine. Four parts of me get a vote on my Heroine — my heart, my eyes and two heads. Each has veto power so it has to be a unanimous vote. The eyes are the quickest vote to check off the list so it makes sense to handle that one up front quickly.

“I don’t like your stories / your writing style / If I was an English teacher, I would give you an ‘F’ “

In the words of Tom Clancy, in response to a similar comment from a call-in viewer on the Larry King Show, “Write your own book.”

“I think you are soooo ugly that <fill in the blank> / you ARE a troll / no woman would possibly ever want YOU / if ANY woman ever says even ‘maybe’ hang on to that one forever because you will never get another chance / wellyougettheidea.”

I don’t get THAT much flame email in general (less than half a percent of all email), and this kind is even a VERY small percentage of total flames. But I find it astounding that some women feel so compelled to resort to these kinds of vicious, personal attacks (these are some of the more tame ones) instead of logical, and well thought-out, philosophical objections.

Why waste your time and mine…when there is nothing in this Domain that should be viewed as threatening to you in any way…unless you suffer from generic penis phobia…especially when all you have to do is let your fingers do the walking on your mouse buttons for me to be completely out of your life forever, if you don’t like my opinions and ideas.

Maybe you are so vicious because you resent being disqualified to be MY Heroine due to my Lists. Maybe your anger is caused by you being forever, and perpetually, stuck in a bitter backwater of Stage 5 in your own Love Quest Cycle. Either way, go make your own lists, use your own methods and find what YOU want.

Surely, you are neither too intellectually lazy to read enough of the information here before reaching a premature conclusion or too illiterate to understand what you do read…maybe you are just TOO distracted trying to read my words and watch Jerry Springer reruns at the same time…with you getting angry at what you are watching and mistakenly thinking I caused your anger.

OK. TV off. Now go back and read your homework again…then submit a treatise based on logic that might sway me to your well-thought-out objections.

“I sent you email with my Lists / pictures / etc. and you never even responded.”

This is a genuinely valid complaint. I am sorry about this and truly apologize. I simply do not have the time to respond to everyone who writes me or even applies. I know it isn’t fair but unless your email grabs my attention, has the four pictures that immediately appeal to my eyes and list answers that appeal to my brain, I probably won’t have time to respond and I really don’t want to just send a form letter.

The popularity of these pages has skyrocketed as has the number of emails I receive — both from Heroine Applicants and those with other comments. I have been averaging several hundred emails a month — and expect that it is about to go absolutely exponential as a result of some upcoming, exciting changes.

As a result, I have added List Three as a public page and am adding more narrative to the items in List One to make it clearer and less ambiguous. Hopefully, these steps will more tightly focus, filter and describe what I seek — and cut the number of Heroine Applicants to a more manageable level of more perfectly matched candidates — saving everyone time.

“Don’t you know that you can’t look for love? / You find it only when you are not looking / It finds you when you don’t try / Etc.”

I am sorry — but to me, this really is THE most preposterous logic I have ever heard. I don’t wish to demean anyone’s approach to finding who they truly seek, but these clichés have apparently never heard another one — don’t hide your err candle under a bushel basket.

If it works for you — great. For me, my methods of clarifying exactly all you want and making your Known Universe as large as possible, make a lot more sense — to both my head and my heart.

“If your Method is so great, how come you haven’t found your Heroine?” / “Methods don’t work, only fate does.”

Even though I’ve come very close a few times, and they were wonderful, monogamous Happily Here & Nows that have filled over two-thirds of the last half eight years I’ve had this Domain, the reason my personal Quest continues is probably not the fault of the Method — but, instead, because I’m an average-looking, middle-aged, salt & pepper-gray-haired troll with incredibly rarefied, and what may seem to you, unjustifiable, wants, wishes and needs that greatly exceed the expectations of most everyone else in the world.

Since I’m sure you have studied the Methodology in detail before passing judgment, you will understand that, for me, because I want so much more than you do — and offer so much less than you do, I need an incredibly larger Known Universe than most in order to find those who happen to genuinely WANT an average-looking, middle-aged, salt & pepper-gray-haired troll with incredibly rarefied, and unjustifiable, wants, wishes and needs — ones who ALSO match all that I want. (If you didn’t understand that last statement, grasshopper, please go back and read the Method a LOT more closely).

Expanding my Known Universe is one of the purposes of these pages. Helping guide others to use the Method to find their own Happily Ever After is another.

As a result of these very Web Pages and the Methodology that I use, I continue to enjoy MANY wonderful long-lasting relationships…ones that started with flickering romance here in this Domain and that developed, instead, into genuine, heartfelt friendships that will, undoubtedly, last a lifetime…. a few of these relationships even blossomed into incredible, intermediate-term, knock-your-socks and thigh highs-off, fantastically incredible Happily Here & Nows (check my Status Report to see if that is where I am right this minute).  If you think about it, finding life-long, loving relationships with a few of THE most wonderful women in the World is not a bad consolation prize for not yet, and maybe never, finding that one, MOST special Heroine I seek.

The amazing thing about the Method is how MANY lovely, wonderful women have been very close matches to what I seek…and vice versa…with a couple of Heroines VERY close to each of us being everything to the other.

All it takes is a large enough Known Universe — for someone to find even ME attractive and sexy — someone who also matches my own demanding Lists.

Of course, it helps that I’m now the World’s fourth greatest lover (see above).

JUST kidding.

But, consider this…..if it works this well for someone like ME, imagine how much better it would obviously do for YOU with ALL your attributes!

Whether my Known Universe is currently large ENOUGH to find the particular Heroine I personally seek….the One I wish to reach the final destination of Happily Ever After with……is, simply, problematical until my Know Universe IS big enough. Again, my Status Report will tell you how close I am right NOW.

But…the status of my personal, ongoing Quest is irrespective of the Method working for others…..or even for you. It has already worked successfully for thousands of others. Whether it works for you, is up to YOU. If you have a better method that really gets YOU the results YOU want, wonderful. Stick with it and don’t try anything new.

For another, much more mystical, much too fateful, reason as to why I have yet to find my Heroine, click Angel.

If I left out your complaint, please email Igor — his email address is igor@novelistseeksheroine.bogus.com

“I took a course in speed reading and was able to read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes.
It’s about Russia.” –Woody Allen

If your complaint is really unique and a good one, I will add a new category here in the Complaint Department and dazzle with the same kind of logic used above — which will leave you as unswayed and unconfused by facts as you are now. But at least we will have tried one more time before declaring irreconcilable differences. :>

If that is the outcome, so be it — I regret that my words and approaches were more provoking than thought-provoking for you. I wish you the very best of luck in finding your own Soulmate — and your own Happily Ever After with whatever methods work for YOU.

If you simply don’t like anything about me or what I am doing and just wish to bitch and moan about THAT, please don’t waste either of our time.

The good news is, unlike your last three husbands or lovers, you can get rid of me anytime your experiences with me are unsatisfying to you — with the simple click of a mouse — and never look back.

History

Remember, all of the above is history – based on my status before I found my own Heroine Janet who is now my wife.

 I hope you enjoyed the read – and also have ended up with a much better insight into the approach of Efficient Love and how it might, just maybe, be helpful to you in your own Quest for your Hero or Heroine!

 Want Secret Access To The Old Novelist Seeks Heroine Pages?

About the only thing changed above is that the original links to the internal pages of Novelist Seeks Heroine have been removed.  Hence, where it said to “click” – nothing happened.

If you click on www.NovelistSeeksHeroine.com you will find that you need a special key to gain access to those pages that motivated over 10,000 women to apply to be my personal Heroine.

The secret key is only located in two places:  Inside the pages of the Kindle Edition of both of my two books, Efficient Love and Don’t Waste Another Sunset,

Why, you ask?

Well, besides being a totally transparent way to sell more books, it is a way to greatly limit access to what are now personal pages that used to be out there in front of God and everyone. 

Based on the comments of many readers of  Efficient Love and Don’t Waste Another Sunset, it also seems to act as a great real-life example and tutorial for those who are following The Method to develop their own Lists and Facet Foreplay.

Get either book – or both books – now – so you too can access the secret pages of Novelist Seeks Heroine!